It was the winter of 2007. Doctor Faustus, the famous left-wing philologist, was sitting in a coffee shop in despair over the Bush-Cheney regime and the future of his country.
Suddenly, Mephistopheles, who happened to be the provost at his college, appeared, sipping a double mocha frappuccino. He sat down next to Faustus and casually asked him if he would like to be granted any five wishes in exchange for his immortal soul.
This was Faustus' chance to do something grand for his country. He would lose his soul, but if he chose wisely, he could make the United States a bastion of liberalism forevermore.
"I agree, Lord of Darkness, if you grant me the following wishes: First, I'd like the nation to be hurled into an economic crisis caused by Wall Street greed and recklessness. This will discredit free-market fundamentalism ."
"It will be done," Mephistopheles vowed.
"Then I'd like you to find the smartest Democratic politician in the land and make him president."
"It will be done."
"Then I'd like you to create a political climate so he can immediately enact an $800 billion spending package. This will avert economic collapse and show the people how effective government can be."
"It will be done."
"Then I'd like the Democrats to pass a universal health care law. This will show a grateful nation that government can provide basic security."
"It will be done."
"If you do all this, America will be transformed. Conservatism will be in retreat and liberalism will reign supreme! Just to be sure, I'd like an oil company to cause the biggest environmental disaster in U.S. history. This will discredit corporate America and remind people why they need strong regulations and global warming legislation."
"It will be done."
Indeed, everything Faustus wished for came to pass. Yet he watched events unfold with growing horror. Not in 70 years had there been a sequence of events so perfectly designed to fortify liberalism. Yet the country wasn't swinging to the left; it was swinging to the right!
Far from leading Americans, Democrats were repelling them. Between 2008 and 2010 the share of voters who considered the Democrats too liberal surged from 39 percent to 49 percent, according to Gallup surveys.
Prospects for the 2010 election are grim. Election guru Charlie Cook suspects the GOP will retake the House. Instead of building faith in government, the events of 2009 and 2010 further undermined it.
Some Kool-Aid sippers on the left say the problem is that Republicans have better messaging. Others blame the shift on bad economic times. But Faustus saw a deeper truth. Moderate suburban voters don't see the world as liberals do, even in the most propitious circumstances, and never will.
Bitterly and too late, Faustus saw that liberals can't have their way and still win elections in places like North Carolina, Ohio and Missouri.
Bitterly and too late, Faustus recognized that economic policies are about values. If your policies undermine personal responsibility by separating the link between effort and reward, voters will punish you for it.
Bitterly and too late, Faustus acknowledged that after a period of overconsumption, Americans now see debt as the primary threat to their well-being. Faust and his fellow liberals may see themselves as the champions of the little guy, but in the new age of austerity, many voters see them as protectors of the special interests.
Republicans have their own problems. They've begun over-reading their ideological mandate without the usual intervening step of actually winning an election. But the big story is that liberals have failed to create a governing center-left majority. If they can't do it in circumstances like these, when will they ever?
Faustus fell back into despair. His soul will spend all eternity trapped in Glenn Beck's microphone.
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