By Barry Secrest

A Conservative Effort At Aiding The White House

For instance, when the President is obviously playing basketball, which is sometimes difficult to hide, we find the term "Flexible Global Manipulation" might prove more suitable while sounding "really" officious.  In addition, rather than rudely referring to the President's having to use the restroom, we would recommend a Latin derivative to throw at us "common folk" to make the activity look terribly important; therefore, we believe "Potus Vacuus Excursion" sounds truly awe inspiring and will also make the President look extremely industrious especially after having drank a lot of fluids.

Should the President elect to have additional offspring, rather than shamelessly bringing the President's personal life into the mix, we recommend that the White House use the mystical term "Nephalim Creation" in keeping with the President's oft spoke of mystical qualities.  Also, and in that particular vein,  Humankind has  always searched for the appropriate ways to say "when the moment's right" without saying it, but rather than boorishly announcing it to everyone we would recommend the term "Procreative Glandular Evacuation," which could even pique the interest of the International Red Cross while dispelling and recycling the former criticisms into praise.

Last but not least, borrowing from Vice-President Biden's somehow intimate knowledge that the President is "very clean" not to mention "articulate" obviously requires  a regimen of superlative hygiene, but should not be spoken of directly in good taste.  Here, instead of using the age-old "taking a bath" explanation, we would recommend the term "Sequential Self-Baptizing Episode," which would also be effective at inspiring the Media's continued awe of the "Commandeer In Chief."

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