By Barry Secrest

But, Obama did, in fact, become the first Official, whether visiting or otherwise,  in India's entire longish history to speak before their Parliament by utilizing a teleprompter. The bemused Indians were quite taken aback as a result--"We thought Obama as a trained orator and skilled in the art of mass address with his continuous eye contact"-- wryly noted one official whose voice seemed eerily familiar. To which we would respond, No my dear foreign friend, you have understandably confused what seems as ordinary eye contact with what is actually Obama's hypnotic third eye contact--a totally different medium of expression. Oh, and thanks for helping me with that bitchy modem problem, by the way; we Americans often fail to say thank you properly.

Defining Jihad For (Certain Highly Placed) Dummies

However, the International incredulity did not end there, Obama's entire trip spawned all sorts of brazen and yet deserved critiques from both home and abroad. While in Mumbai and during the President's Town Hall with a large group of students, the President once again, became an apologist for jihad on the one hand, while maddeningly continuing his failure at identifying terrorism for what it is and who it predominantly belongs to, on the other hand. The President's first question appeared to be an atomic doozy as the student asked Obama what his take or opinion on jihad was. Before we let the fun begin, we first need to discern what Merriam-Webster has to say about jihad defined:

jihad

1 A holy war waged on behalf of Islam as a religious duty; also a personal struggle in devotion to Islam, especially involving spiritual discipline

So, in each of the above two cases, its pretty much what we expected as to our ongoing experiences-- in having dealt with jihadism as a nation.

The second definition reads much as the first, if not even a bit worse as far as we infidels are concerned:

2 A crusade for principle or belief

Ouch, a bit of Christian-ish lingo sinking in with regard to crusade except--just add a smidgen or more of  gunpowder and a dash of bolts and voila', violent jihad.  So, after noting the official definition, we should now turn to "the muck stops here Messiah" and hearken to his personal definition:

Obama: "The phrase Jihad has a lot of meanings within Islam and is subject to a lot of interpretations"

Us: OK, first of all jihad is not a phrase, it's a word and words have meanings Mr. President. You know, like "Marxism", "Totalitarianism," or even "Anti-Capitalist-- these, in fact, are words. While phrases have mixed meanings, ex: "Socialism is a waypoint to Marxism" or "The Dark Lord" or even "we're turning a corner." These are phrases that we feel certain you are most familiar with Mr. President. So, the President even starts out with a bit of obfuscation.  But after going on and on about how Islam is one of the world's great and peaceful religions and actually performing his best Billy "Abdul" Graham impersonation, Obama got down to the really interesting part of his non-teleprompted (we think) version of jihad:

Obama: "This great religion, in the hands of a few extremists has been distorted to justify violence towards  innocent people that is never justified. And so, I think that one of the challenges that we face is How do we isolate those who have these distorted notions of religious war and reaffirm those who see faiths of all sorts-- (oral listing of various religions)--accepting that we can all treat each other with respect and mutual dignity"

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