Conservative Refocus

By Barry Secrest

On certain occasions, news articles on scientific experiments will appear in my morning paper that just beg to be recycled into entertainment. This morning, I shocked everyone in the household with an uncharacteristic belly-laugh while sipping on my first cup of coffee.

You would have thought I had grown horns overnight, such were the quizzical, if not alarmed, glances that were cast in my general direction. You see, I am not, ordinarily, what you would call a 'morning person.'

However, on this particular morning, while I was reading this article, I whimsically decided to replace certain words within the explanation of a scientific experiment regarding rats, of all things. So, without further adoo, here, in this article titled, "Experiment finds rats capable of empathy," I have replaced the word "rat," with "Democrat," the word "animal" with "Liberal," the word "mice" with "Socialists," and finally, the word "primate" with the word "Republican."

And, by the way, it was really quite easy in that I only had to insert the letters "Democ" to get the desired effect, for the most part:

Original work written by David Brown of the Washington Post

Experiment finds Democrats capable of empathy

At the very least, the new experiment reported in the research journal Science today is going to make people think differently about what it means to be a "Democrat." Eventually, though, it may tell us interesting things about what it means to be a human being.....

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Comical Alteration With Four Words: Scientific Experiment Finds "Democrats" Capable of Empathy