Conservative Refocus Reports

By Barry Secrest

Soon to be "former" Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi apparently pitched a victory Party last week for having created one of the two new jobs that became available in the United States in 2010. Many had conjectured that Pelosi's indication, that the surprise party was initiated as a result of her role in the Democrats success, must simply have been a ruse. This, based upon the fact that Congressional ratings under her leadership are at an all time low, in addition to the fact that the Democrats lost the House as a result of its many and varied failures at improving American's Lives. But some now believe that Pelosi's party was a celebration of her having learned that her newly created post for Rep. Charles Clyburn, D-SC, was the first tangible evidence of Democratic success at actually creating a job within the United States in 2010.

Clyburn's position was carved out as a result of the Black Caucus' feeling left-out when the minority whip leadership position was granted to Rep. Steny Hoyer, D-MD. When asked what sort of job Clyburn would actually have, Clyburn indicated that the details had yet to be worked out. While creating a job for someone without having anything specific for them to do may sound a bit odd, sources tell us a number of Companies in the history of the United States have actually been known to hire individuals without actually having any sort of function for them to perform, while Government has grown increasingly adept at this "revenue producing" practice. When queried further, Officials tell us that when the US Government creates a new position, that same newly paid position will then be subject to a number of income and revenue producing taxes.

In addition, we have also learned that the title of the job has been rumoured to be The Assistant to the Minority Whip, who is actually the Assistant to the Minority Leader. The word from the inner-beltway, however, whispers that Clyburn's main impetus in maintaining some sort of leadership position was in order to retain the benefits of having a Car and Driver, noting the difficuly inherent in parking around Washington, many applauded Clyburn's bold stand even while the Black Caucus was voicing concern that the job might just be nothing more than a measure disingenuously designed to calm racial fears. When the Black Caucus was later orally reassured that Clyburn would have at least some form of meaningful input, they acquiesced and approved the Leadership plan.

On the face of it, the job addition and the retention of the car would seem to make sense, since the loss of the leader-supplied Jumbo Jet for Pelosi could have resulted in a net loss of jobs overall as a possible result of the plane's military crew being put out of work. Rep. John Boehner, R-OH, who will be the new House Majority Leader, had turned down the use of the government-supplied aircraft due to the fact that he is not a Democrat and did not wish to be associated, in any way, with the widespread recognition of certain Democratic practices .

The Senate Follows Suit

Meanwhile, Sen. Harry Reid, D-NV, not to be outdone, and in a rush of Democratic excitement, also created a new posting. Sen. Chuck Schumer was given his newly created job as an apparent result of ironing out the mess created when Majority Leader Reid's re-election campaign seemed in danger and his position became subject to a number of strategic moves. The actual title or position for Schumer's job has yet to be officially named, as with the case of Pelosi's appointment. Sen. Reid did, however, render an extraordinarily clear Party explanation of what the new job will entail by stating that the new post will: "Better integrate our legislative-and message-crafting functions into a coordinated nucleus managing policy, press and politics." 

Based upon the Senator's message to his party, many Democrats have surmised that the loss of the House, near loss of the Senate, the precipitously dropping popularity of the President, total disdain of Federal policies from most US Allies coupled with a burgeoning loss of confidence by the people regarding nearly all branches of the Government is nothing more than simple miscommunication. The new job, it is hoped, will rectify this mild imbalance by placing an experienced member of the Senate in charge of centrally controlling all outgoing communications by the Party members. In this way, individual Senate voices will then, most likely, be required to be reigned in by what is ostensibly denoted in certain other countries, as a Ministry of Information. However, the main impetus, based upon all of the evidence available, would seem to indicate that Reid wanted also to have a hand in Democratically instigating the second job created within the United States in 2010.

No word yet on how these dramatic hirings will affect the National unemployment figures; however, many arithmatically-challenged Democrats feel that this could produce a pronounced bounce effect in the job numbers for the fourth quarter.

 Note To our Dear Readers: The above article was written in much the same way as the liberal media often write their articles. Taking the absurd and twisting it around to seem plausible --if not acceptable --while spinning the article in so many ways a reader may not know exactly where the writer is coming from by the end of the read. The facts within the article are true enough and yet you can see a bit of fun-poking on the one hand, while reaching often ridiculous conclusions on the other in addition to leaving out a number of facts which would obviously defeat a number of arguable premises within the article.

Our next article will focus in part on Thanksgiving and will publish on Sunday as usual. There were so many issues boiling up from the cauldron this past week, that an overworked Conservative writer barely knows where to begin.